


p-r-e-c-o-c-i-o-u-s

by Ember_Keelty



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-08
Updated: 2011-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-14 14:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember_Keelty/pseuds/Ember_Keelty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat is the worst babysitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	p-r-e-c-o-c-i-o-u-s

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miss_Prince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Prince/gifts).



"You're a fucking abomination," you tell the three-sweep-old girl sitting on your knee. She has lavender eyes and warm, rosy skin like one of those bloodsucking monsters your moirail who spawned her is so infatuated with. At least her hair is a reasonable color, but in a way that just makes the whole thing eerier. On the other hand, she's the only other person you've ever seen with horns as nubby as yours. You tell yourself that's why you let Kanaya dump her on you when she and Rose go off to play superhero, or whatever the fuck _fulfilling our obligations to the worlds we created_ means.

Mathilda frowns. "Mother encourages me to augment my vocabulary at every available opportunity," she says, tapping her pocket dictionary against her chin and staring off into nowhere with intense focus, while her pick gun mind works over an inscrutable paradox. "But Mommy tells me I mustn't let myself be infected by my uncles' vulgar mannerisms. A 'mannerism' is 'a habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving,' so that includes words, I think."

"First of all, I'm not your uncle. Humans have uncles. Trolls have Mother Grub seedflap drippings from the incestuous slurry before their own, and if we're lucky one or two of them might see some potential in us and take enough interest to oppose us being culled. But seeing as how Kanaya is living with her matesprit and displaying a commitment to this lusus-roleplaying scenario that would make Nepeta roll her eyes, I'm not exactly surprised she called me that. Disgusted, but not surprised. Jegus, she might as well hand that shrew her lipstick and kneel down and lay her horns on the chopping block."

"Do you see potential in me, Uncle Karkat?" Mathilda asks, sweet like cherry candy.

"Potential to be more insufferably precocious than either of your genetic material donors ever were, sure." You scowl when you realize the concession you just made, and add quickly, "But I told you, I'm not your uncle." What were you talking about again? Oh, right. "Anyway, let me know when you've decided which flighty broad you're going to listen to."

"Well, they've both said that forbidden knowledge is usually the most important knowledge to have. And I can always know a word and just not use it, so…" With a mischievous grin, she flips the dictionary open. "Will you spell it for me?"

Sure, why not? "A-B-O-M-I-N—" you begin.

"Uncle Karkat, I know what an abomination is." She says it with a withering look in your direction, as though that were so obvious she thinks you must have been teasing her. "I meant the adjective."

It takes you a moment to mentally rewind the conversation to the right point to figure out what she's on about. When you get there, you smack your own forehead hard enough to leave a mark.

Her moms are going to roast and carve you like a Twelfth Perigee's Eve cluckbeast and feed you to the Dark Gods.


End file.
